I am so sorry I haven't written in so long. I feel like this is a letter to a long lost pen pal (fun side note, I used to have a real pen pal with whom I'd exchange letters from Lithuania when I was in 7th grade) but I am bummed that I haven't written because I know my older self will always wonder, what happened to Nelda for three months? Well, let me fill in the blanks: Morning sickness, continual sleepiness filled by random times when I wake up in the middle of the night starving, waves of emotion which I don't usually feel, the list goes on. The good news? I'm finally feeling better. Not 100% but much better and definitely enough to start blogging again. I apologize to my dear Elisabeth for having missed updates on a couple of her months. She is now 18 months old and I owe a whole post to her.
Oh I have so many thoughts to share with you, my dear reader. Where do I begin? I think of sharing thoughts on this blog all the time. Here's the biggest one:
I was listening to this great BYU devotional the other day promoting journal writing and I thought this blog. He said that he would have forgotten so many wonderful things if he hadn't journaled all the time. I couldn't agree more. The best tip he gave though was one from President Eyring who has been journaling without skipping a for years. He said the only thing he thinks of before he starts journaling is this question: How have I seen the Lord's hand in my day today? Then, he is able to focus on how the Lord has influenced him during the day rather than just show a laundry list of what he did. To me, it's the perfect combo of talking about your day and sharing personal insights. I am going to begin doing this.
Second big thought:
I've been re-reading this great book by Dr. Ritchie called "Return from Tomorrow." Its a life-after-death book which I'm generally obsessed with anyway. When he dies, Jesus is there to guide him and help him and here's what stands out to me. Jesus shows him his whole life (only 20 years so not too much). Ritchie realizes he hasn't done anything especially terrible but he hasn't done anything great or for others either. Jesus says to him (here comes the bone chilling part):
What have you done for me?
Ritchie doesn't have a good answer. Of course, this makes me look inward. What have I done for Jesus? What have I done for the Man who has done everything for me????
When Ritchie comes back to life he comes to the realization that each of us must "die" a little each time we really give ourselves to Him. This is the question that has been pressing hard on my mind for days now. Let me tell you. It can be very very hard to be Christlike in this world, to really love not only those who are easy to love but to love those who are harder to love. But I won't be a pharisee. I won't. I am working on it so hard but I need the help of my Savior every day. Sometimes, I think I focus too much on regrets from my past or on things I should have done better. I beat myself up about those things but in prayer the other day I was given the realization that this regrets cloud my present behavior and that I should focus more on others and on doing things for the Savior now rather than on the past. Make sense?
One more takeaway from all of this. We MUST take our covenants seriously. We must! Jesus shows Ritchie a time when he gives himself to Jesus (I'm guessing he is baptist) when he is 11 years old. At the time, Ritchie is kind of just doing what all the other kids are doing and doesn't take it too seriously but he see later how seriously Jesus takes this commitment. I think of myself and the covenants and commitments I have made. Have I honored them sufficiently? Have I taken them seriously enough? Have I gone through the motions too much? Ritchie talks about how our Savior's light is so near to us but most of us cannot see it because our eyes cannot behold the glory of what is right there. Well, I could go on forever but I it's Monday morning. I want to leave with a prayer to our Savior:
Dear Lord,
I come to Thee with a broken heart and contrite spirit
Please show me what I can do for Thee
Please help me fill my home with love and with the Spirit
Please help me to not judge others for judging for in this manner I am as guilty as those who judge
Thou art there to be praised
I bow to Thee and thank Thee for the angels that surround me every day because of Thee
It feels so good to know that the things I write and do and say and commit to for Thee,
are taken seriously by Thee
Please help me never to forget that the most important thing I can do for Thee is to serve Thee
Please help me to remember this as the first thing when I wake up in the morning and the last thing before I go to bed
I praise Thee, Oh Lord, Glory to God on high!!
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