It's been an interesting, gorgeous, rough, educational, character-testing summer. Have I come out of it well? I'm not sure. I feel like for the most part I did but last week I really lost it with a relative. I regret it plenty now. I don't like being out of character. I tried to show someone that I'm not a pushover and I felt so icky doing it. Is that why I get afraid of being mad? Because I swing either too passive or else too aggressive? Maybe so. Or maybe I just am not into the habit of doing it. Or....maybe I showed a little bit of the Palomeque inside of me (which is fun when it's party time, but awful, gosh-awful when it's mad time). Anyway, I regret the way I acted. I've been working this summer on creating a mission statement for my life and it was anti-mission but at the same time it was pro showing that I'm not a pushover. Justification blah blah blah etc.
Anyway, just feeling a little uneasy, a little off-kilter and thought I'd share. Funny, I usually am glad this blog is private but today, just today, I wish I could get some perspectives on these feelings above from people I don't know. You know, some random anonymous person from Fargo and then another from Oveido, Florida who would have some insights into my feelings for the day.
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