So Lizzie turned 4 on Monday and we threw her a big birthday bash on Saturday!! Happy birthday baby girl (post on her fabulous birthday to come). For the past couple of months (I think since I began watching the Duggars' show) I've been feeling uneasy about motherhood. A bit of a queasy feeling, if you will. I couldn't put my finger on it until today though when I did my daily meditation in the shower. Yeah, no time for meditation outside the shower but I LOVE my shower time and I've never been able to quite figure it out until today either - it's because I am meditating without knowing it. You'll never hear me singing in the shower, nope. No matter how busy I am during a day, I'm almost always able to squeeze in a hot shower.
Anyway, shower, so, I've been feeling overwhelmed, directionless and uninspired lately and it's not the first time in my life but it is the first time with kids. Here is Lizzie. She's four now and what have I helped her do to show her for it??!! Egads!! Mama's got some catching up to do. I can justify some of it on having three little ones very, very close together in age but I've figured out the rub. It's the weight of having the futures of three individuals resting on your head or in other words the weight of being a wise and good steward to three beautiful and precious souls of our Heavenly Father. Gulp!
Right now, some of my best days are days when my kids are able to eat a healthy meal. I get a big grin on my face when they eat steamed broccoli (and they love it, bye the way!) and steamed cauliflower for dinner. I did it guys! - I think to myself. But man can't live by healthy veggies alone. Man needs spiritual guidance, teaching, ABCs, reading, arts and crafts - and this is where I'm failing. It freaked me out so much last night that I watched Jersey Shore season 1 on my month of free Amazon prime. I completely shut down last night. But I am ready today but here is an open prayer to my Heavenly Father.
Father in Heaven. I need Thine help in being a good and wise steward to these lovely people you have sent me so I can send them back to Thee. Please give me the wisdom and ability and joy and energy and direction I so desperately need to help them along their way. I am beyond grateful for them. In the name of our Savior - Amen.
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